Nobel Prize-winning Pakistani activist Malala Yousafzai has revealed that smoking weed with friends during her time at Oxford University brought back haunting memories of the Taliban attack she survived in Swat.

In an interview with a British daily, Malala said that when she smoked weed with her friends, it felt as if she had suddenly been transported back to her 15-year-old self, reliving the day of the attack.

“I thought I had moved on,” Malala said. “But as soon as I smoked, everything came rushing back — the school bus, the armed man, and the blood everywhere.”

She recalled that her friends took her to a room where she experienced a severe panic attack and began vomiting. Her friend Anisa stopped her from going to the hospital, warning that the drug’s effects would remain in her bloodstream for some time.

Malala added that she could not sleep the entire night, fearing that she might not wake up alive the next morning.